nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
