Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Randomize
