why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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