A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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