all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Just high enough for therapy.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Just puked most of my soul out..
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
