If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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