Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
