I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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