At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
