wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
