you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
