I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
you made out with another girl for some wings
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
