Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize
