Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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