During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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