I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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