Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
