if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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