did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
