grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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