no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
