Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
