i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
