Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
