I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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