Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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