laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Randomize
