dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
