I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
