One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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