For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
