Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
