I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
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