The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
