I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
