Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
