I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Randomize
