This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
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