the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
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