i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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