I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Randomize
