thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Randomize
