No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Randomize
