I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
