But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize