so that wasnt chicken after all
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
