Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
