Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Randomize
