Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
