And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
