garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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