I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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