I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
