if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I need a beard to bite.
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