tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
