So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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