Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize