how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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