dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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