I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
