just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
