Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
