ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
