My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
