I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
