One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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