I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
