So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
There r osticjed everywhere
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Randomize
