i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
