ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Randomize