omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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