I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
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