New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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