oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
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