I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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