I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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